EKONOMIYA( ECONOMY)
ang ating mga export ay kahit na anong bagay na galing sa japan, us, o china
Para makatulong labanan ang kahirapan dito sa pilipinas ay tinayo ang mga organisasyong tulad ngABS - CBN para sa mga proyektong "Wowowee" at "Kapamilya Deal or No Deal" para magbigay sa mga pilipino ng pag asa na sa ilang minuto ay yayaman sila at para makalimutan nila na walang pagkain sa mesa nilaGEOGRAPHY( ABA EWAN KO)
Ang pilipinas ay isang grupo ng mga isla na nasa Pacific Ring of Fire.. Ito ay malapit nang lumubog dahil takteng dami ng papulasyon.. (hnd pala mataas ang papulasyon nagsisiksikan lng lahat sa maynila) at sa pagboto sa mga opisyales at pag rereklamo dahil hindi nila ginagawa ang kanilang mga trabaho. ang pilipinas sa 2015 ay magiging atlantis II na dahil ito ay mapupunta na sa ilalim ng tubig..The Philippines is also known for its vast gorgeous beaches where Beautiful Filipino Women await foreign military personell for some "sexy time." Many of them wear shirts that say "Who's your Daddy?" to entice their would-be partners9.69 out of 10 geographers agree that the Philippine archipelago is shaped like a constipated man, particularly Michael MooreGOBYERNO (IMPYERNO)
The Philippine government can be defined as the most deviant of all government systems around the world. Getting yourself involved in the government means that you need money, guns, artillery and a bad-ass militia. The country was once run by a very good and famous queen for 20 years: Her Royal Highness Imelda Marcos and her husband-of-convenience Ferdinand. Just before the end of of the conjugal monarchy, the general population became infected with a rare strain of virus that makes its victims into mindless evangelists. They brought down the 20-year Marcos empire and brought forth a New Republic ruled by another queen who basically had the same idea as Imelda.
It was like the Star Wars Trilogy, the only difference is that Corazon Aquino had an IQ lower than that of an autistic kid - she can speak fluent French though. The masses were so disappointed because the new queen was not a Jedi and had no Lightsaber. To appease the masses, the President of the New Republic changed all the names of the roads and the airport. Her triumph was short-lived because the majority of the motorists got lost and were not able to report for work for one year, causing the stock market crash of 1986. "Damn, where the fuck is Buendia? I've been going around in circles in Gil Puyat Ave. and still can't find Buendia nigga!", said one black motorist.
The greatest aviation tragedy also happened during her reign. The planes kept circling 'til they ran out of fuel and crashed because the Manila International Airport wasn't there. "It's like the fuckin' Bermuda Triangle, bitch!", said one brutha survivor. It turned out that she changed the name of the airport to Ninoy Aquino International Airport in honor of her worthless, good-for-nothing Communist husband as soon as she sat her ass in the palace throne for the very first time.
Aside from the name change fiasco, her other accomplishments were putting her husband's sorry ass in the 500 peso bill and spawning an evil daughter who singlehandedly caused the downfall of the feminist movement by being a filthy whore, and the slow death of the Philippine Entertainment Industry. Her daughter also caused the deaths of countless professional basketball players and actors by infecting them with an unknown and illegal type of sexually transmitted disease.
After this, the masses progressed from just plain stupid to retards. After the French-speaking president with a vagina for a brain, they elected a disgruntled cigar loving ex-general with a penis size issue, an ex-actor who can't control his penis and fucked the majority of the hotties in the country, and lastly a midget.
As of the moment, the government is still in the shithole and the incumbent president is still a midget.
The primary task of the Philippine Government is the fixing of roads and highways - actually this is the only thing that the government does especially just before election. They fix roads even if they're as smooth as a baby's ass just to give the voters the impression that they do something really important. Given that all Filipino voters are stupid, they let the incumbents win in their reelection bid.
Branches of the Philippine Government
The Philippine Government has 3 branches:
- The Entertainment/Movie Industry
- The Media
- The Squatters
The Entertainment/Movie Industry is run by actors and actresses. They are the ones that actually run the government and create policies while the actual politicians provide the entertainment. The only branch of the government that was not contaminated by the entertainment industry is the now defunct Judicial System. The Judicial System was the only branch of the government that actually requires you to work your ass off for 10 years in getting a degree, and most importantly it requires the use of your brain. However, Justice Hilario Davide crossed over to the dark side of the entertainment industry when he sworn in Gloria Macapagal Arroyo during the 9957th People Pawis revolution. As a result, the Judicial System was abolished. This launched him to Superstardom in the movie industry and debuted in Regal Films' blockbuster hit "Anak Gumising Ka Matutulog Na Tayo". The sequel "Halika Dito Wag Kang Lalapit" was not as successful because it was not a gay movie.
The next branch is the Media. They are powerful because of their exposes and shit. Of course they only do their exposes if the corrupt politicians involved refuse to pay them. The most powerful person in this group is Ben Tulfo - host of the TV sitcom "Eat Bulaga". However, the politicians became aware of his show and his blitzkrieg tactics in his exposes and was able to outwit him in his own game. Ben Tulfo,Danielle Mendoza being the genius that he is, devised a brilliant countermeasure by changing the name of his show to "Bitag: X-treme" - it was a huge victory for Ben Tulfo thus earning him the title of Genghis Khan.
Ben Tulfo, by the way, is the son of Mama Monchang and Rey Pumaloy. His show "Bitag" and "Bitag: X-treme" won several awards including the coveted "Best Comedy Show" in the KBP (Kiking Bagong Pakinis) Music Awards.
Lastly are the Squatters. They are a force to be reckoned with because they are dirt poor. They are so powerful that they are able to acquire lands from honest, tax-paying middle-class citizens of the country for free; and get away with it by simply invoking their right to be dirt poor. The squatters are the most protected group in the government - they are being protected by the media, politicians, and the movie industry whenever the middle class sue their ass for taking their property. They even make movies about it and portray the owner of the property as a heartless villain. In effect, they own 90% of the land in the country. They are also the highest income generating group because of drug pushing (the majority of the drug pushers are in their area) and gambling.
HISTORY
The history of the Philippines began when Magellan lost in a Kung fu match with Chong-Li. The owner of the United Nations of España (Dr. Phil) banished his sorry ass from his homeland. However, Dr Phil stated that Magellan can only return to his fly-ass crib if he discovered another country for him, or make him a bad-ass old school rap album. Since Magellan can't rap, he decided to find a country for da owner. Dr. Phil announced this on the Oprah show.
The United Nations of España ruled over the Philippines for 300 years. The Filipinos did not resist this because they were punkass bitches and made themselves hoes of the descendants of Dr. Phil. At the turn of the 20th Century, the Mighty Morphin' Americans conquered the Philippines. The Filipinos gladly welcomed their Big White Brothers hoping that under American rule, there would finally be snow in the Philippines and they can petition themselves to be U.S citizens. Not realizing the promise of snow and citizenship, the Filipinos were forever restless under the Americans.
It was during the rule of the United Nations of España, who also was planting seeds of wisdom in Mexico, that there was a bet. The two top leaders of the United Nations of España, Moe and Curly, wanted to see how many natives they could fuck and produce hybrids of people who really could not amount to anything. Considering the standard of living in either country, the competition ended up as a draw. Now, these people are invading other countries like Maine.
The Philippines was annexed by Japan as a Japanese province in WW2 and made this shit-ass country their bitch. The Filipino populace were being controlled by hypnotic Anime and are being used as slave laborers, nannies, and sex slaves by their Japanese masters. During this time, the Filipinos showed their courage and fought the Japanese simply because they think American products are better than Japanese ones - and they think that Americans have longer schlongs than the Japs. Unfortunately, the Japanese got bored and left the Filipinos to fend for themselves. After 50 years, this point of view changed and the blonde haired bitches of the Philippines now want to go to Japan to get a blue card and shit and become hoes for the Japs.
After the Japanese occupation, The Philippines was once again the ruler of the United States.
In the 60s, the excessive use of LSD and Marijuanna led the high society of the Philippines to elect a delusional man named Marcos and his wife, a "former" beauty queen named Imelda, into power. Big mistake! The couple stole all of Yamashita's gold and bought a gazillion pair of shoes. Later, in 1986, Filipinos came out of their crack induced high and sobered out their asses. They realized that the Marcoses had bled their pot money dry and they were out of munchies. The Filipinos were pissed, so they exiled the Marcoses to a much better place, a paradise country named Hawwai
In the 1998 presidential elections, a movie star with no political experience won the presidency. He once starred in countless action films. Did I mention he had no political experience and was a movie star? Thankfully he got screwed by the "dwarf."
Recently, a brave Australian named Brian Gorrel exposed those buttfuck cokesnorting coños in our society. Due to the recent events that has fucked up the high society, the Philippines will enter a state of collapse, which will end on June 30, 2010. By that time, either an assfuck prick (A true Manila boy, not from the Western Visayas as he claims. Also, his ho "girlfriend" is a broadcast journalist) or a landgrabbing bastard who brags about hard work and persistence and shit will indefinitely ruin our country.
Religion
Mostly catholic with a mix of protestanism, wowoweeism, Eat-Bulagaism.
Eat Bulagaism was started by great philisophers Tito, Vick and Joey. Bulagaism's main rival is Wowoweeism. Recently, one of the founders of bulagaism, Joey, made an announcement against wowoweeism's prohet, Willie. But this is total bullshit because they just did this as a popularity stunt. HAHAHAHH!
REPUBLIKA NG PILIPINAS
National Anthem
Boom Tarat Tarat!
Capital
Smokey Mountain , Navotas
Largest City
Payatas Dumpsite Quezon City
Population
1.5 billion, and counting
69% Gay (Fags & Butches), 18% Bisexual/Bi-Curious, 10% Korean, 2% Metrosexual , 0.75% Female, 0.25% Male
Government
Bayad Muna Bago Baba
Independence
What independence?National Hero
Manny Pacquiao, Raganciano Kapitapitagan JuniorNational Languages
La Salle Taft Coñospeak, Salitang-kalye, Squatter, Tadbaliks, Gay Lingo Chuva ChenesCurrency
Galunggong TuyoReligions
Roman Catholicism,Islam,Ang dating daan, Iglesia ni Cristo, El Shaddai, Evangelican Christianity, Pacquiaoism, Wowowee-ismUniversity with the Lowest IQ
Ateneo de Manila University
Official VideogameIstarkrapt,Kawnter Strayk,Ispeysyal Pows, DOTA,Hayp Layp,Official Boy Bands
Cueshet, Hale, Chicosci, 6 Cycle MindGay Icons
Sam Milby, Piolo Pascual, Boy Abunda, Kris Aquino, Paco Arespacochaga, Rey Pumaloy, Mama MonchangFamous Bars
Planet Cubao Jakol Club, Kantutan sa kalye KTV and bar, Bangbang-Ali, Do-Re-Mi, Lanai, Tiririt, Stealing Heaven, Air Force 1, Chicos, MACHO-POPBest Rip-off of the Year
Captain Barbell, MariMar, PokemonKokey, Hamtaro, Sailor Moon
