FILIPINO'S (MASAKIT PERO TOTOO)

Filipinos (or Pinoys, as they prefer to call themselves) have a pair of eyes, ears and nostrils, two arms and legs much like humans. They pout and use their lips instead of their fingers to point to things, and they can understand each other using various body languages and gestures without uttering a word. At home, a Filipino family's hospitality is renowned worldwide. They will more than happily accept over $500 worth of food and groceries, but will be extremely insulted if you offer to make even one grilled cheese sandwich.

To get a Filipino's attention, just say "Hoy!", or "Psstttt!", or "Pssst uyy!!!". If this approach fails, yell "DOG!" and they will turn around, fangs bared and eyes bulging, saying "WHERE?!"

They have an appendage called Cellfone which they use to communicate with their herd. This body part, if taken away from a Filipino, will result in paranoia. This makes it easier for biologists to identify the Filipinos in the wild, since they have their individual IMEI numbers which the scientists can track. Filipinos immediately respond to celfone messages rather than any emergency and calls you can imagine.

A group of Filipinos

Whitening cream and transexualism is very popular with Filipinos. Over half of the GDP comes from these two interests

Rules on Being a Filipino

• Be ashamed of your heritage and language, be a clone of an American.
• Assume that any Caucasian is an American.
• Assume that any American is God incarnate (even if he rapes your daughter).
• Carry a Nokia Cellphone, and use TXT msgs (never call it SMS or you will be PWNED!!! LOLZ)
• Avoid trailer parks.
• Beware of "evil demons".
• Beware of dwarves.
• Act black.
• Elect actors and actresses into public office.
• Believe in superstitious bullshit.
• If you're a balikbayan from the states, never ever speak Tagalog.
• Always climb a volcano.
• When a typhoon hits, STAY OUTSIDE AND PLAY!!!
• Complain to foreigners that the Philippines is the poorest country in the world and then spend all day shopping at fancy malls, drinking Starbucks coffee, and riding taxis.
• Ditch utensils! Eat with your hands, dammit!
• Buy a painting of The Last Supper and hang it on your dining room wall, even if you're not Christian.
• Hang a "Weapons of Moroland" shield on your living room, even if you don't know where the fuck Moroland is.
• Speak in Tagalog in any mall or any fully airconditioned building, no matter how small it is, to sound cool.

Where to find Filipinos

• Love hotels
• Under mountain hats
• In volcanoes
• For males: in a white girls ass
• For females: the hospital
• In villages with small houses
• In the ghetto fo sho
• Under rocks, trees, volcanos, mountains, of about
• In church
• In a grave
• Under a Jesus statue
• Anything to do with water buffalos
• Basketball games (you know the ones that aren't black)
• Black neighborhoods
• Lucky Plaza Singapore
• In the States, pretty much where the black people are in order to niggerize themselves and become gangstas and get some shiny-ass blingz. They later begin calling themselves "pi-ggers" for pilipino-niggers.